Joke of the Day

mike64

Dedicated member
Dec 1, 2023
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Ok lets have a few laughs, I'll start:

When one door closes another opens - I wish I hadn't bought that wardrobe from Ikea

My Grandad was a keen fisherman and left me all his equipment in his will - I'm still reeling

I didn't think my orthopaedic shoes would work but I stand corrected

I'll get my coat..........
 

Sonic

Totally Hooked
Jun 23, 2023
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Dunfermline
Transit.jpg
 

mike64

Dedicated member
Dec 1, 2023
103
160
43
An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost.
Wandering about, he notices a lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep **** now!”
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!," says the lion, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!”
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion.
The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!”
Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says……..
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!”

Moral of this story…
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull **** and brilliance only come with age and experience.
 

area_educator

Dedicated member
May 14, 2022
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A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel sticking out of his pants.
The bartender says "You know you've got a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replies "Arrrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
 
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Silver Fox

Totally Hooked
May 7, 2022
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Just got a pirate copy of that Bohemian Rhapsody film. Must have been recorded in a cinema, every few minutes I see a little silhouette of a man.
 
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mike64

Dedicated member
Dec 1, 2023
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Went shopping in Tesco yesterday with my wife and all of a sudden she started having a go at me shouting at the top of her voice that I was a lazy b**tard.
I was so shocked I fell out of the trolley.
 
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